I was 19 with a baby when I met my now husband.
I was lost.
I was floundering, not really knowing who I was or what direction I should go in next.
My husband found me. He picked me up, dusted me off, and set me on out in a direction.
That was nearly 16yrs ago. Somewhere a long the lines, I lost that person I used to be. Not the lost little girl with no direction, no, the strong, independent woman who had the guts to leave the father of her baby and set out on her own.
My husband, who is a wonderful man, this is not meant to disparage him in anyway, found me at a time in my life when I was at my lowest point. Without him, I don’t know where I would have ended up. However, we are two different people with different views on everything from parenting to politics. For years, I tried to be what I thought he wanted me to be. What I should be. One day, I woke up and didn’t know who I was.
The girl who longed to be on stage was now afraid to make a phone call if it meant talking to a real life person. The social anxiety was crippling. I think about all the things I want to do, but then end up making excuses as to why I can’t and talking myself out of it.
I have wanted to take ballroom dance class for as long as I can remember. There are several locations to take classes all around me. I’ve even signed up for a couple, but then chickened out at the last minute. Or used the excuse that since my husband can’t come with me, I shouldn’t go. I’d be alone. I wouldn’t have a partner. I’d be the only who alone and I wouldn’t know what to do. (These are all of the same excuses I used for not doing karate for years too)
A couple weeks ago on Facebook, I noticed that one of the ballroom instructors was doing a performance class for the Halloween party. You could pay by the class instead of committing to a full 6-8 week session. Perfect, I can go to one class and if it’s just awful, never go back. The idea was to learn choreography for Thriller, then perform it at the party.
Last week was my first class. I was a ball of anxiety walking in. It was a small class with just 3 other people, plus the instructor and her husband. I surpried myself by picking up the moves quickly and my confidence started to come back. I can do this!
Last night was the second class, and my old friend anxiety starting creeping back into my head. I almost backed out. I hadn’t lost anything, I hadn’t paid for this class yet, so I didn’t really HAVE to go. I went.
The class was packed. There ended up being 12 people this time, and only 3 of us had bee in last weeks class. Honestly, this is where I shine. If I can share my knowledge with people, I feel more confident. I was able to work with new people and show them the moves.
My nervousness is dissipating and I’m looking forward to the performance next month. I can’t wait to see what we learn next. I’m finding that person again