Getting better, all the time.

I’m a week removed from my dad’s death and I can feel myself waking up. My best friend came down from Richmond over the weekend and we went out with another friend. We had the best time. Laughing and being silly. It was great. I even went back to work today. It’s been great to get out and moving.

I’ve been helping my mom with stuff that she needs to take care of. I have to get her internet worked out this week. We never knew what my dad had. he switched from Bell South to Time Warner to Clearwire, back to Time Warner (at least I hope), but somewhere along the line the modem went out. It comes back intermittently, but not enough to really do anything (and certainly not enough to justify paying for the high speed), so I have to get one the phone with them.

I’m also planning on having Sunday dinners with my mom. I’ll pack up the food and the kids and we’ll head over and cook at her house. I want her to know that at least one day a week she wont be alone. She spent 35 yrs with my dad so this is hard for her.

Through all of this, I have tried to ignore my brother. He is being such a complete ass that I wonder WTF happen to him

He has an ex girlfriend and a daughter. He hasn’t seen his daughter in a year. He had to go to court and screwed himself there and ended up being ordered to have a psychological evaluation, then he has to have supervised visitation at a pre determined spot at $50 a visit (he has to pay for the supervisor and facility). He had to have a minimum amount of these visits before he could go back to court and ask for unsupervised weekend visits. This is mostly the ex being petty because she can. However…..He has it in his head that he can’t afford the visits so why bother. That one day his daughter will know the truth. He went to the evaluation and was cleared mentally (although I’m a bit sketchy on that after what I’ve seen), now all that’s left is these visits, that he can’t afford. Although he CAN afford to get new tattoos for himself, his girlfriend and his girlfriend’s brother as well as new piercings and a ring for the girlfriend. Call me crazy, but I’d think seeing your child would take priority. Yeah, one day she’ll know the truth. That being angry and bitter was more important.

He emailed his ex and asked her to come to the services and bring his daughter. She said she would try. Then my mom called and asked her to come and bring the daughter. Well, she showed up Sunday night without the daughter. My mom was cordial to her. Told her if there was anything she needed to call. Tell Julia (the child) that we all loved her, etc. Basically it’s my mom’s hope that she can somehow bridge the gap here. I will never judge a mother for not bringing her child to funeral services. The girl is 5 yrs old. I can understand not wanting her there. I will say she was a bitch for not saying up front that she wasn’t bring the daughter, but that is all.

My brother flips the fuck out. Says my mom KNEW she was gonna show up without the child and should have thrown her out. Says he will never forgive her for being nice to the woman. His girlfriend is right there beside him feeding into the shit.

So, I just sent him a message asking how he was doing. He emails me back saying better since he got some sleep but that he’s still really pissed at mom and will “never forgive her for the stunt she pulled”. I wrote him back that life was too short to hold on to anger. That I had spent a lot of years being angry at Dad for a lot of shit and it really felt good now to know that I let it all go a year or so ago.

Mostly though, he needs to just grow up start taking responsibility for his shit and quit holding on to bitterness and anger because it makes him look cool to be the brooding guy. Fuck, he’s 28 yrs old, it’s time to quit this shit. He’s also crying all over My Space that he was disrespected by my mother’s family and what assholes they all are. Him and his girlfriend snubbed my husband and my children. Didn’t even so much as say hi to them. My husband has been in the family for 12 yrs. He’s not some fly by night guy I happen to be sleeping with and he deserved better than that.

I think I liked it better when we didn’t talk. And if this crap continues I’ll just walk away from that relationship. Life really is too short. I swear, I’ve been through some really shitty stuff, but I look back and think damn I really came out of all this pretty damn good.