I have no doubt in my mind that my husband loves me. It’s the way he shows his love that I have issues with.

Perfect example is this weekend. He was 2 hours away. I met him halfway on Friday to take some stuff to him and have dinner. I asled if he needed to work this weekend or just figured it was easier to stay and head to the other job site on Monday. He said he didn’t need to but “didn’t see any reason to come home”. I didn’t say anything and he responded with “what? you see a reason for me to come home?” My only response was “It depends on where your priorities lie and they have always lied with work so of course it makes sense to you not to come home.” And that is it in a nutshell. He shows that he loves us by working…all the time….for us. We’ve had the conversation a million times and it just doesn’t matter. He is who he is and it’s up to me to decide what I can live with. Some times I can live with it, other times I can’t. Sometimes I see myself holding on until the youngest is out of the house, sometimes I see something and it makes me thing that we will grow old together. I just don’t know anymore.

Ironically, his dad was the same way. Worked all the time for the betterment of the family. It wasn’t until he was retired and getting sicker and sicker that he wanted his boys close and wanted to “be a father”, but by then it was almost too late. The boys had families of thier own. One of my husband’s favorite songs is “Cat’s in the Cradle”, he thinks the song reflects how he grew up. What he doesn’t see is that it’s exactly how he is too. Planes to catch and bills to pay. And I know that one day he is going to look back and see what he has lost and I wonder if I’m going to be around to even care.

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