The relationship between me and my ‘best friend’ is slowly disenegrating before my eyes. The main problem with this is, she is really my ONLY friend. I set it up that way. I have a hard time maintaining friendships. I tend to try to be all things for all people, so I end up spreading myself too thin and getting burnt out on a relationship. Having only one friend was just easier. Until now.
Now I have friends that I know from online. Some I even see on a regular basis. But this person was my only here and now friend. So this hurts. A lot.
It started a few posts back. The one I wrote about her and her fiance. I was there for her. I talked to her. I tried to make her feel better. Then she took him back. Even though I didn’t agree, I still supported her. Then she accused me of being judgmental. She tried to compare her shit to the shit that I went through with my husband a few years back. Saying she just listened and didn’t judge. The thing about that is (other than the obvious that I wasn’t judging her I was CONCERNED for her) for starters I was married to the man, and we had three kids together. Four years ago I sat in a lawyers office and had separation papers drawn up. Before they were signed, we decided to make another go of it. It wasn’t a wiping clean of the slate. It wasn’t some lame excuse for behavior. It was two adults coming together and saying “I made mistakes. I am responsible for hurting you and I don’t want to do that anymore.” It took a lot of work and a lot of tears to work through our problems, but it would have never worked if either of us had tried to excuse our behavior, or if the underlying love wasn’t there. We went through a lot of hell, but we came out stronger on the other side. We owed it to our children to do this.
She isn’t married to this man, she has no children with him, they don’t share a home, or money or anything at all. He has nothing to lose by toying with her. But, if she wants to live like that, it’s her life. I wouldn’t tell her otherwise. And I would never try to compare her relationship to mine or anyone else’s. It hurt very much that she did that.
Today I get another gem. She pops up on my instant messenger sating that my daughter called her daughter a bitch yesterday. Now, my daughter is no angel, far from it. She is moody and disagreeable, and has a tendency to “exaggerate” the truth. However, calling someone a bitch just isn’t in her nature. Sure, she would call a name, but that wouldn’t be one. The way the whole thing supposedly went down was just suspect. So, as we were going to school this morning I asked my son about it. He said the only thing that was said was, when I asked my daughter get sit in the back so my friends daughter could sit in front, she said ‘man, that sucks’ (what was supposedly said was “you suck, bitch” ). Man, that sucks, completely sounds like something my daughter would say. Having what my son told me, I then asked my daughter (who wasn’t in the car when I asked my son). She told the same story. Now, I know my kids can come up with some doozies, but getting together and making up this exact story, is highly unlikely. They can’t agree with each other enough to get the ‘story” exactly right between the two of them. I was willing to just let it go as a misunderstanding. I came home and told my friend this story. Her response was “that’s why V didn’t tell you, she knew you wouldn’t believe her. My daughter never lies”. I said I wasn’t accusing her of lying, I was saying it was a misunderstanding. Her response, ” there wasn’t a misunderstanding, that was what was said. I told you, so it’s over now”
Just like that, it’s “over”. My child can be accused of something, and without discussion, it’s just over. And this isn’t the first time either. It is however, the last. My daughter has enough problems without me inviting them in. She is being evaluated for ADD/ADHD and with that comes a lot of social interaction problems. She can find people that treat her like crap and accuse her of stuff without any ‘help’ from me. It makes her an easy target for accusation because people already see my daughter as the “troublemaker”. People already dismiss her, or assume that what ever happen was her fault. She is constantly on the defense. All that being said, I can’t continue to brig someone in that will accuse then not even allow her the benefit of defending herself. Even murders get that luxury.