MSN’s home page has an article featured about what a “real marraige” looks like. They list things like having the same argument over and over again, long periods of silence, and having your own friends and hobbies. For the most part I think those things do come with any long term committment. I look at my husband and I. When we met, not quite ten years ago, I had a 5 month old baby I was trying to raise alone (not something I reccomend in case you were wondering). He stepped into this relationship as a ‘they’. We never had that period where it was just ‘us’. Soon after my daughter came along, then the yougest. We’ve always been us with kids. We’ve had our ups and downs, and if we were honest with ourselves and others with would say that if it weren’t for the kids we probably would have called it quits a long time ago. Kids make you think about things though. They make you reconsider how many times you can have that same argument over and over again. They make you relish those long periods of silence.
We recently spent a week (plus) with my brother-in-law and wife. they have been together for 17 years. Something I noticed was, they tended to spend all of thier free time in each others company, and, they didn’t kiss (in front of us anyway) the entire time we were there. This was a stark contrast to me and my husband. We kiss every time we leave each other. We tell each other we love each other at bedtime, when we hang up the phone, when we leave the house, etc. We are the couple that will hold hands in the store, or sneak a peck in the bread isle. Sometimes while he is looking at something in the store, I will walk up and fiddle my fingers along his neck (he likes that). We have hardly anything in common. He loves football, I abhore it. I’m a martial arts junkie, he thinks most dojos prey on stupid Americans. We both enjoy boxing. I guess that’s the glue holding us together. Seriously though, I think through this 10 years we have learned who we are, and who each other is. To the point that he are comfortable in our own skin and around each other. We don’t have to fill our time with conversation. We don’t have to spend every moment with each other. We are secure enough to have different likes, and to dislike the things the other likes. We are a “typical marriage”.