Drained
This past weekend sucked the life right out of me. I'm dealing with so many emotions right now. I'm sad that my BIL/SIL are on thier way back to Texas, instead of moving here. I'm sad that after thinking we had finally moved past our differences, my MIL is still being a raging bitch to me behind my back. I'm sad that I had to make the decision to finally cut her out of my life. I wouldn't put up with the bad behavior if it was anyone other than my MIL, so her being my husband's mother shouldn't give her a free pass.
On top of that, we are on the last week of school (well, sorta, they get out next Weds). I had to make the teacher gifts for the kindergarden class. THat party is tommorrow. So is the awards celebration for my 5th grader. THey are holding it at the park. That means, tommorrow morning I'll be running to the park, then running back to school, then running to the park again.
On Friday, it's "Ocean Day" with the kindergardener.
I'm at 3 weeks until my 150-mile bike ride. I'm not ready.
I'm tired. I may step away from blogging for a bit.
Or I could sit here and give you every mundane detail of my life.
I havent quite decided yet.
3 Tense situations, 2 Icey Glares, 1 Huge Blow up and a partridge in a Pear Tree
Holy Hell!
This weekend has been…..I really have no words
My Brother in Law and his family arrived at my Mother's in law house on Weds night. I, or should I say the house cause it wasn't really me that my mother in law was calling for, got the call Thursday that they were there. At that point, I extended an invitation to my youngets son's Kindergarden class play. Much hemming and hawing ensued and she left it at "We'll try". Which I knew was a no way we will be there in hiding (turns out my brother in law was never even told I had invited them, that's another bitch though).
Friday night my husband got home. We went to the house to visit with everyone. You could see the tension in teh air. We all decide to spend the day together on Saturday.
Saturday, my husband and the kids rode with my brother in law. I rode with my sister in law and we went out for the day. Turns out that from the very moment they arrived it had been nothing but petty comments being thrown from my mother in law. She asked if there was anything they couldn't eat, and my sister in law told her that they, as a family, dont eat pork, and that my brother in law is allergic to eggs. Mother in law proceeded to make a meatloaf with …sausage, and about a dozen eggs. So, brother in law and family went out to eat instead of eating what she made. That pissed her off and set in motion the chain of events to follow
Instead of moving out, so that the inlaws could move in, she moved her boyrfriend and his mean-ass dog, in.
She told them she was trying to help then out since they were in such a hard spot (they weren't, they came up to help HER out because she was moving and didn't want the house and 20-some acres to be empty)
She told them she wasn't going to just give the land to them.
When asked for a price she replied "Nothing you could afford"
My brother in law and his family are now on thier way back to Texas. They are done.
Frankly, after being told by my sister in law "I don't know how you can stand to live so close to her. She really isn;t all that nice. t amazes me the things she says about you. Almost likes she takes joy in cuttingyou down. It makes me wonder what she says about me"
Well, I'm done too.
I've been nothing but kind, and she continues to bite. This woudln't be the first time I've heard such statements, adn I have no reason to think my sister in law would lie about it.
I hate the drama and the tension, so I'm simply removing myself from it.
Seriously
If I hear "It really has nothing to do with us" one more time I might just have to punch someone. How can a man be so smart, yet so dense all at the same time.
Done feeling sorry for myself
Ok, that is over and done with. My life is pretty damn good for the most part. Yes, it sucks eggs sometimes that I don't have my partner in life here with me, but I manage and I get by and when he is here it makes it all that much better.
We had a great day yesterday despite the heat and lines and crowds and one major meltdown. Having only ONE meltdown is a huge mile stone.
We went to the Animal Planet Tour. Like I said, heat, crowds, lines, ect. THe bigges thing there was the Endurance Experience for the kids. We were directed to teh back of a HUGE line to sign consent forms and get our bracellets that let us into the thing. Then from there we went into ANOTHER line to wait to get into it. Lines. That was the theme for yesterday. The first challenge the kids did was making thier floating swimmer guy go across the "pool". My oldest won that one.
Next we went to "Hangin Around". Groups of 8 went up and grabbed gymnast bars and hung on them to see who could hang the longest. My kids were in one group. The bars went up and my oldest promptly fell off first. Couple other kids fell, then my youngest. Four left, including my 9 yr old daughter. She was up against 3 bigger and older boys. She started having fun with it. Hanging by one arm at a time (her upper body strength amazes me). One by one the boys started dropping. She was really haveing fun with this whole event. She was in her element. She won this one by a landslide. They gave her a shirt that says Endurance Experience 2006 on the front and "Do you have what it takes" on back.
After that we spent 45 mins in line to climb the rock wall. That's where the meltdown happen. When we finally got up to our turn, my daughter got almost to the top. Practically AT the top, but not good enough for her. She was upset and started crying because she didn't make it all the way up. Another thing she gets from me is not taking disappointment well. By that time, she was ready to just go (and yeah, so was I). The event was winding down anyway and they had started capping off the other lines, so we went ahead and left. On the way home, we stopped for ice cream to celebrate our victorious day.
Where’d you go?
There is the song that is making it's way around the radio stations and MTV (I guess, I totally don't watch MTV, I've just heard that it was playing there. Yeah, that's it). It's by the group Fort Minor, which is Mike Shinoda from Linkin Park with various guest vocals. Where'd you go features Holly Brook.
The song is about long distance relationships. It's painfully true. With lyrics such as "Please come back home. You know, the place where you used to live……but now you only come by every once in a while". And, "Some days I wanna quit, and just be normal for a bit, I don't understand why you have to always be gone, I get along but the trips always feel so long…" "I'm stuck here waitin', at times debatin', Tellin' you that I've had it with you and your career, Me and the rest of the family here singing "Where'd you go?"
This song hit me the other day in the car, out of no where, and I just started crying. It says everything I've been trying to tell my husband. I love him, and I want him to be happy with his job. And MOST days I get along just fine, but I do miss him. I do miss. It is hard to plan your day around a phone call and them just not have much to say. It's hard having to plan family trips around his work schedule, especially when he doesn't usually know his schedule. I couldn't count the amount of times he was supposed to come home, then didn't for one reason or another. You get used to being on your own and only relying on yourself for so long that after a while, you don't think you really need the other person. When that realization hits you is when you really do feel all alone.
Cooking Goodness – For the cooking impaired in all of us
I have to preface this post by saying…I HATE the kitchen. I avoid it like the plague. I don't like cooking in it, eating in it, or cleaning it up. I woudl be perfectly happy building a house and "forgetting" the kitchen. That being said…..
I just came back from this place. What a wonderful way to spend a couple hours. It's one of those meal prep places that are popping up. There are a couple different chains that are essentially the same thing. I know of one called Chop Shop, Let's Dish and another one that I can't remember the name of.
I paid $199 to make 12 meals that will feed 4-6 adults. With my non-eaters, I can probably get 2 meals out of each thing.
I made:
She's not heavy, she's my meatball – swedish meatballs over mashed potatos
Lula's Sassy Cajun Kebabs – Shrimp, sausage, steak, oinions, red and green pepper kabobs (if you don't like something, you just dont add it)
Company's coming Chicken – Chicken and rice with lemon slices, sage, garlic, salt pepper, chicken both poured over it
Madame Dijon's Honey Chicken – another chicken dish. You make up the honey dijon mix and toss the chiken in in them pour it all over a bed of diced carrots
Love at First Curry- a pork dish in a creamy curry sauce with apples, carrots, and peas. (I've never even tried curry cause I had no idea what to do with it YAY!)
Korean Glazed Boneless Pork ribs – Pork marinated in pineapple juice, soy sauce, garlic and ginger
2 – Shrimp Scampi a la Garlic – White wine, garlic, oilive oil, butter and parsley, and shrimp, over brown rice
Little meatloaf on The Prairie – Turkey meatloaf with carrots, celery, oinion, walnuts, and breadcrumbs, surrounded with glazed sweet potato fries
2 - South Pacific Round Steak – Round steak in a marinade of Plum sauce, soy sauce, pinapple juice, and garlic
Healthy Wealthy and Wise Chicken – chicken on a bed of brown rice and corn, surrounded by spinach, lemon, diced tomatoes, and spice.
Yum! The hard part was figuring out what to have for dinner tonight. I think we are gonna go with the meatballs…or maybe the meatloaf….or maybe a chicken….
What I am is what I am
I've pretty much come to terms with the fact that I am, essentially, a married, single mother.
Not a single mother in the real sense because I do have a husband, and I get to stay at home and my chilren aren't dependant on my income to feed them (lord help us all if they were). But I am still parenting solo all the same.
I see my husband between 2-6 days a month. Most months it's 2 days. Occasionally I will get lucky and all 6 days are in a row. Most times not.
Most times I don't even know WHEN he will be here until he's actually here. On more than one occasion, he has been either at the aiport on or the road driving home, only to be called back out to work. It can be frustrating trying to plan things around that type of schedule.
I have three kids who are in 5 different directions all at the same time. This summer will be a blur of practices and drive thru windows. My oldest has decided, after 5 yrs of karate, he wants to try football. He'll still be doing karate as well, just not as much. Starting in August, he will have practice every day for 2 weeks, then drop down to 3 days a week, with games on Saturdays and possibly an "opening gamne" fo rthe local high school one Friday night. If they have a good season, they will have to move on to the bowls after the season. There's also all the away games that I never even considered when I agreed to this.
He is also in teh Gifted program at school, so as part of that, he gets to participate in what they are calling Kalidoscope for 2 weeks in June. He will study science and math everyday. At the end of the 2 weeks, he gets to go on a trip to Washington DC.
My youngest son is doing T-Ball again. Two day a week practices for a few weeks, then 2 games a week for about a month. At least it's only a month is all I can say. Kids that young don't have the attention span for an entire season.
My daughter, god love her, has decieded that I'm "too busy" this summer and she doesn't want to do anything. I know she woudl lov eto go back to horse camp this year, and I would love to take her, but it conflicts with everything else we are doing. This is when an extra set of hands would be great. She's being real understanding and trying hard to make it seem like it's totally her idea not to do anything this summer, but I know she would really like to go.
This are the times my mother-in- law would usually come in. To pitch in and help with the shuffling to and from. But, as I have bitched about over and over, she is moving. I was optomistic about my other inlaws being around to help as needed, but I am no longer expecting them to stay…if they even come up at all. My BIL's wife (woudln't she be my SIL?) is vehemently opposed to moving and the whole thing has gone from "We're moving up", to "We'll stay through teh summer and see how things go", to "I took 20 days off from work, we'll come up for a visit and go from there". I fully expect a phone call this week saying they have changed thier mind completly and aren't coming at all.
I know my husband is happy with his job. He's happier than I've ever seen him in a work enviroment. He is totaly in his element and that is something I woudl never want to take away from him. On the other hand…this really isn't what I signed on for 11 years ago.
The Tuesday Weekend Recap
So, this weekend was a bit of a blur.
Friday afternoon I went to a Munchies with Mom thing with my kindergardener. By the time itw as over, it was almost time to pick everyone up from school, so I just went ahead and signed everyone out early. They love when I do that. We got home and packed up for an out of town weekend.
We had to rent a van because my mother-in-law wanted to tag along. She often invites herself along. I'm almost used to it. My Explorer just wasnt big enough for the 6 of us, so Enterprise it was. Of course when she got to the house and saw that we had rented, she went on and on about how she could have just followed. Ya think? Oh well.
So, we drove to the town she is moving to and met her new boyfriend for dinner. He was nice enough, I guess. He kept trying to interject into things that really had nothing to do with him. I found that annoying. But otherwise, he was ok. You have to give me time here. He's had months to get "used to" the idea that my MIL had this whole family, we are just finding out about him.
We ended up leaving her with him. He drove her back home and they picked up a load of her stuff. We went on to Carowinds!! I had bought season passes for all of us, plus my Brother-in-Law and his wife (my neice is under 2, so she doesn't need a pass) for when they get up here in a week. We called then on the way and let them know, and also told them we woudl look into a few things for them.
We got to Charlotte kinda late, but our hotel was right across the street from the park. Saturday morning we spent the day at Carowinds. My fair German/Irish/Scottosh skin took a beating under the sun. I put on suncreen that mroning, but didn't take any with us (I was trying to travel lite) My shoulders are crispy. YAY! Lesson learned. Next time take the sunscreen with us.
We left halfway through teh day to go get lunch, then went back and stayed until dark. The kids had a ball. We went on every kiddie ride there. My youngest is just at the line to be able to go on some ofthe "scarier" kiddie rides. He loved all ofthem, especially Runaway Reptar, the kids version ofthe inverted coaster (where you hang from teh top and your feet hang free). WHen we went on a more traditional coaster, Fairly Odd Parents, I think, he hated it. He screamed and cried the whole time evne though it wasn't nearly as fast as the inverted one. When we got off they had the pictures at the little booth. I really wish I had bought his picture. he was a bit embarrassed after he saw how bad he was freaking out. He even said when we got off that it wasn't that bad, but it scared him. Goofy kid.
Sunday we had a choice…go back to teh park, or head into South Carolina and go shopping. I'm not much of a shopper. I rarely buy for myself, adn my husband was really encouraging me to take Mother's Day for me. Not to do what the kids would prefer (the park, or even the pool) but to make it all about me. So we went shopping.
We went to an outlet mall. I loved this place. I bought a bunch of clothes, then I found Bath and Body Works outlet. Holy cow! I only spent $25. If I had realized that the prices marked werent the real prices I woudl have spent at least twice that. One bottle of stuff I got was marked $45. I got an $8 tub of lotion for $1. My shoulders have loved the body butter I picked up. I will defintely be going back there.
Then, we headed home. It was a good 3 hour trip, not counting the hour for dinner.
When we got home my BIL called. He told my husband that he has decided to just take 20 days off from work. They are going to takr about 4 days to drive up here. With travel time that leaves just over 10 days that they will actually be here before making a desicion on staying.
I'm a bit dissapointed. I don't feel like they are really giving the place a chance. I know that change is hard. Especially when you have lived in the same place for 17 yrs. I just wish that they would give it a chance before they move back. I really hope things work out and they end up styaing. I really want to get to know them. I want to know my niece. I want my kids to know thier aunt and uncle. They are the ones we chose to raise the kids if something were to happen to us, so I just really want us to all know each other. I'm tied of knowing them through the occasional phone call , email, and every 3 year visit.
But, then I have to realize that it's not about me.
My husband is having an affair
With me. I'm the "other woman", because he is so obviously married to his job. I know I'm not the only person with this problem.
We were talking last night and he was doing that whole disconnected, distracted, not really listening to you "Uh huh" thing every time I would say something. I asked him if he was busy or something and he says no. So I told him he was doing that thing where he sounded like he wasn't listening to me. He says he was just trying to play with me. I told him it wasn't funny, I had too much shit on my mind to play that way (I can be playful and sarcastic, but sometimes I just want to be listened to). So he asks what's bothering me and I told him I was upset about the thing going on with his mom, and now it turns out that his brother may not actually be moving here. They are coming up for a month to see if they like the area. If not, or if his wife misses her mom too much, they will go back to Texas. I know she doesn't want to be here. So anyway, if they leave, that pretty much leaves me with no one. I'm facingloosing my whole support system, with my husband traveling all the time. I really don't have any friends here. A few aquaintances, but I just dont relate to many people. Anyway…. He doesn't quite get the whole thing. Of course he doesn't because he's not here. This brings us to the married to the job part. Last week I told him over and over how much I needed him home for the weekend. He was scheduled to come home anyway. It was his weekend to be home. I even said to him that if his boss gave him a choice of when to come home, I neeed him home and available for Saturday morning because there were at least 3 things going on at the same time and I'm still only one person. When he called me last wek to tell me he wasn't coming home, he presented it as the boss asking him to go to Phoenix. I found out last night that not only did the boss, not ask, my husband practically begged to go. The boss was going to do the job himself and told my husband to go home and be with his family and he said No,he was fine, he could stay and help. So, knowing how much I needed him here, he choose the job. And I'm not supposed to feel slighted about it. He also made a joke about how he could just buy me something nice and I would get over it. This just really shows how on my own I am here. He will always pick the job first. I thought I was used to it and ok with it, but I'm really not.
